Z before A except after Y profound happiness amongst chaos Mix PART ONE

A couple days in July & 1 more in August 2008

So it's May and Mike calls me screaming into the phone, "The CA Supreme Court just, they just... We can get married!!!!!" I am sitting in my office with what must be the blankest stare ever. I knew the court was rendering their verdict that morning but I didn't tune it. What can I say, I'm used to things not going our way. I don't know what I said back. I don't remember the conversation. Absolutely do not. It could have been five seconds or five minutes. I honestly don't remember. What I do remember was smiling. Smiling a lot. I told my office mates and every last one of them came up and hugged me one by one. Their support was overwhelming. After the love-fest I just continued to sit there. Heroin could not be a better high. The next thing I remember was a phone call from one of the world's greatest human beings, my friend Amie. We go way back. I met her in 10TH grade. Mrs. Butler's English class. I hated her. Mrs. Butler had given us an assignment to write a poem within certain parameters. She picked the "best" five and handed them out to the class the next day. Amie was on there as well as I. I followed the directions. She did not. She also never shut-the-fuck-up in class. Did I mention that I hated her?

So Amie calls me and says, "So am I your best man or am I marrying you?" I told her there are only two people in my life that I would consider for my best man and my cousin Danielle can't legally marry people. That was easy. For the record Amie can legally marry people and there is no other person on the planet dead or living I would rather have officiate our wedding. So it's been like 10 minutes since Mike's call and we are getting married and I have someone to marry us. Have you ever been in a daze without being in an accident? Little did I know this daze wouldn't end for about 2 weeks. By the way, I had asked Mike to marry me a few months after we met in Vegas. I told him the only condition is that we would only do it when it was legal. And now, finally, it was.

My first call was to Danielle to ask her to be my best man. I don't remember the call well. I remember a very choked-up voice and an immediate YES! I think she might have said, "What the fuck do you think!?" as well but like I said, A DAZE... So for the next six weeks Danielle & Jon (Danielle's husband) who I will from this blog forward always refer to as My Fucking Hero, as I do in life, agree to help us out in any and every way possible.

I was never interested in the idea of "getting-married". I never thought it would be a possibility so why even care about it? Well, I can honestly say I truly get-it now. It's an incredible experience. The prepping for one however is fucking Stress-UPON-STRESS. It's the town next to where Shakespeare grew up. Mike and I were losing our minds. We were planning the wedding everyday. We had less than six months to plan because we knew the hate mongers would be putting a ballot measure to repeal our right to marry on the California ballot in November. Turns out the measure finally got a number a couple weeks later, 8.

Danielle, Amie, Donna, Jessica, & Pam were all hard at work helping with everything you could possibly imagine to do with the wedding. Thankfully another one of my favourite people on this planet and dear friend Sean whom I also met on Depeche Mode's 2001 Exciter Tour, 'Tour of Pain' had texted and said he was going to be in L.A. for work on the dates that YAZ was going to be there. YAZ! YAZOO! However you choose to spell the name, YAZ was coming to town on their reunion tour 25 years after their premature break-up. What word describes how I felt about being able to see YAZ perform? I wrote this story earlier and had a 'come back to this' mark on it and I still can't come up with a word. Maybe it's because there isn't a word. So without a word I will just give you my reasons:

One: YAZ live. Are you fucking kidding me!? Alison & Vince together LIVE! FUCK YES!
Two: Danielle, who introduced me to YAZ would be there! (Story in a future blog)
Three: Sean will be there, haven't seen him in way-too-long.
Four: Alison and Vince. Together. Alison and fucking Vince TO-FUCKING-GETHER!

So I am reeling. Not normal reeling. I am Peter Murphy 'Roll Call' reeeeeeling. Really. Reeling. Really! I am going to see YAZ with Michael, Danielle & Sean at the Orpheum Theatre in L.A. Words to describe... I have none.

So Sean and I text and email for the next few weeks daily. With the exception of couple months (My Fault)us messaging back and forth is the norm; has been for seven years. We are all going to get tickets when they go on sale. Then one day Sean says he has tickets. I fucked-up. Tickets went on sale the day before I thought they would. I look up the tickets available and they were pretty much shit. I am, needless to say, pissed.

Blog Note: I said I would be completely honest in this blog and I have been and always will be. I am however going to have to abbreviate this next part because certain people turned out to not be the people I thought they were. I don't care to mention names here nor will I ever again. Four years of my life wasted helping someone, an organization that would in the end try to crush my life.

I now have amazing tickets waiting for me in a Beverly Hills office. Night one July 10: Sean & Myself. July 11: Michael, Danielle, Sean, Myself and Amie & Kim. In the end Amie & Kim couldn't make it. Did it hurt? Yes. Did I understand? Absolutely! A few days before the show I book my hotel & my train ticket. Mike & I have only one car so I use the train quite a bit when I wanna go up and see my friends in Anaheim/L.A. Yes East Coasters we actually have trains here on the unsophisticated Left-Coast you smug fucks.

July 10: I leave work at noon. One of my assistants drive me to the train station. I get on and listen to YAZ all the way up. I have a few beers. That's how I roll. By the way, if you have never taken the train from San Diego to L.A. you really need to do so. It is one of the most beautiful rides ever. Right Danielle? If you sit on the west side of the train all through San Diego County it's ALL PACIFIC OCEAN. Gorgeous. YAZ is blaring in my headphones. I am listening to 'You & Me Both' over and over again. One song in particular, 'Walk Away From Love' I have on repeat because Sean had told me a story a few months earlier about it. It was a great story about him and his friends driving around in their High School days listening to it so I wanted to know it really well if they played it live.

I get to Union Station in L.A. and I realize I don't have the credit card I booked my room with. I look further and realize I don't have any card. Not even my debit card. FUCK ME. I call Mike even though I knew he was in an all day meeting at his work. (voicemail) I call Danielle and she was her usual Danielle self and said, "we will fix this, give me 5 minutes." Yeah. I know. AWESOME anyone? The one thing I told her was please DO NOT CALL JON! I don't wanna bother him. He's been working all day and still has to drive all the way home to you guys. Granted L.A. & Anaheim are only 25 miles from each other but that means a 90 minute drive home during rush hour. (that's even with Jon's secret paths) If you add my bullshit into it that's an additional 2+ hours EASY.

So long story short Jon works for the city of L.A. I didn't text Jon because it was Thursday and there is no way I'm gonna bother My Fucking Hero to come down and rescue me because I fucked-up! NO-FUCKING-WAY! Danielle assures me that she won't call Jon. We disconnect. I lite a cig in the NON-SMOKING ZONE that is California. Before I get two drags out Danielle is ringing me. Hello? Go to your hotel. Jon will be there in 15 minutes. DANIELLE!!!! I told you... SHUT-THE-FUCK-UP Larry! Go to your hotel. GO now! Danielle, thank you, I LOVE YOU! I LOVE YOU MORE. 'Click' So happy and so pissed (I'm gonna strangle my cousin when I see her tomorrow night!) I get in my taxi put on my headphones and play 'Midnight' Danielle's fav YAZ song.

I get to the hotel and am standing outside. Jon calls me and asks where I am. I say I'm standing out front. He says no, I am standing out front. Don't you just hate it when hotels have names that sound the same? We are only 5 blocks away but in downtown L.A. it takes him another 40 minutes to get to me. He pulls up and I tell him the tickets are in Beverly Hills. Without the slightest bit of inconvenience in his voice hes say let's go. (Our drive over and back will be a separate blog).

An hour and a half later we get back to the hotel. Tickets in hand! Jon checks me into my room. We walk in and I get ready for the show while we are laughing our asses off about anything and everything because that's what Jon and I do. We LAUGH. We LAUGH. We LOVE. WE LAUGH. WE LOVE & then we LAUGH AGAIN! Did I mention he is My Fucking Hero? I'm dressed ready to get to the show. Sean said he had to do work stuff all day but would pick me up. It won't be for a half hour or so. I ask Jon, Hey you wanna get a beer? Jon said, no, I never have just a beer. Cue smiles and laughter.

Jon & I are sitting at the hotel bar downtown enjoying our 2ND beer. Sean calls and says he's on said freeway and is going to take another freeway & Jon says no. Tell him to take this route. If he keeps on that way he is going to be in major traffic. Jon & I enjoy another beer. We laugh at some of the people at the bar but mostly talk about life. I couldn't ask for a better beginning to a night. Jon stands up and says I will see you soon. We hug hard and I am sad so see My Hero walk Away. I make my way to the hotel lobby and then to the valet. I push the doors open and Sean pulls up. Jon timed it fucking perfectly. How the fuck does one do that!? I mean I was literally walking through the fucking doors! I walk to the car with a huge smile on my face and a contentment in my heart. It's Sean! I haven't seen the guy in forever. I get in and we do the awkward side way car hug. He's looking at me and I'm looking at him and we have the craziest, stupid smiles on our faces. I remember giggling like and idiot. I remember I kept saying, Dude. Every time I said it he would respond, I know. Yes, we are idiots. But the good kind of idiots. The idiots that appreciate they are about to see something so few people have ever seen. And more than that, given the people that had witnessed it so few of those people would appreciate more than us. Idiots!

So we get to the Orpheum and get a drink and hang out in the lobby with a few people for a few minutes. After twenty minutes or so we make our way to our seats. 6TH Row SIDE: Alison. We don't talk much, the anticipation is robbing of us our vocal chords. What happened next I will never forget: LIGHTS OUT:

CROWD: Deafening
Vince: takes his place behind his keyboard
Alison: takes her place behind her mic.

Vince: Da da da da da da-da da da da-da. Da da da da da da-da da da da-da
Crowd: Deafening...

I look at Sean with this look on my face: Are you fucking kidding ME!?!?!?!?!?!?

Alison: "If I wait for just a second more..."

(PART II Next SUNDAY)

Tunnels & Vision

Prologue:
This is a blog about my life through my Musiqke: be it a moment, be it a cd, be it a season, be it side II of a tape I couldn't stop listening to that I rewound so much it snapped and had to tape it again, be it a concert, be it when you were screaming "I FUCKING HATE YOU!" in a parking lot, be it a scratched 12" version of 'The Promise' which I no longer have, be it sitting in a car wondering what to do or listening to your future wedding song. It is no matter. Because it all matters. It matters to me.
The song Stripped by Depeche Mode is my favourite song ever. I have the symbol of the song tattooed on my body. My only tattoo. It means that much to me. I don't know why this song means so much to me. I truly do not. For lack of better phraseology it sang to me. Ridiculous? Sure. Am I being honest? I wouldn't respond to my best friend if they asked me that because that person knows it true & would never ask.
Stripped inspired me to do this & this weblog will be completely honest but I don't want anyone to worry. If I've know you for 3 months or 30 years I am going to talk about you, however, I'm going to focus on the Musiqke that got me through 'that time', Bad, GOOD, torturous or AMAZING. This is my "Stripped down to the bone" story, not yours so please feel you are all safe. I will make you ALL that promise right now. Ultimately this is my life in it's entirety but completely out of sequence through My Musiqke.



Summer: 2004 San Diego CA

I am working as a bellman at The Catamaran Hotel in Mission Beach. I am seriously LOVING MY LIFE RIGHT NOW! Mike & I live in Hillcrest the coolest part of San Diego. Oh, and the Gayest place on the planet save the obvious places, West Hollywood, Rio De Janiero, The West Village, The Castro District, Rufus Wainwright's butt, you know. We've been in our new place for a few months. Michael & I. Michael. I love that fucking word. Actually I am in love with that word. A friend I met three years ago on 'The Tour of Pain' and am slowly losing touch with told me she saw this band, The Scissor Sisters live a few months before open for another band whose name I do not remember. She said they were BRILLIANT & are going to be on SNL. So that un-numbered Saturday I tuned in and laughed at what I saw. The music was fun/EXCELLENT & I loved their cover of Pink Floyd's 'Comfortably Numb' but I was upset. The lead singer Jake Shears was dressed, uh, let's say "kinda" flamboyant. I was like, don't dress like that and NOT-BE-GAY, your giving my people a bad name. After SNL was over Mike got off the computer and went to bed. I got online and looked up The Scissor Sisters. Hey, Larry, you fucking judgemental fucking prick. YOU WERE WRONG.

So it turns out the Scissor Sisters are 5 people: 4 guys & 1 gal. 3 of the guys are gay & the other guy & the gal are straight. I'm intrigued, I surf the web for hours scoping out every single bit of info I can on these guys. I am losing my mind that an ALMOST ALL GAY BAND was on SNL!?!?!?!? NOTE TO STRAIGHTIES: THIS DOSEN'T FUCKING HAPPEN!!!!!!! I was up til 6AM looking at really shaking/shoty 20-47 second 1 1/2 minute clips of them live all over England. Apparently they were really big there eventhough they're from here. NYC! The next day after work Mike & I went to Tower Records. I saw online that they already had a live docu-show dvd out. I searched everywhere, couldn't find it. After 40 minutes of mopeing around the store Mike walks up and smiles and holds the stores only copy in his hand. [MICHAEL!:D]

I put on the video when I get home and learn their motto is "None of us are Lesbians." I of course do the math in my head: 3 gay guys, obviously not Vagitarians or else they'd be straight. 1 straight girl likes guys & Paddy Boom (the drummer)is straight so the motto is correct! My dick gets so hard you cant even fucking imagine! This is my Gay version of Depeche Mode. Yes, I said it. Gay Depeche Mode! And no, Gay Depeche Mode is NOT DEPECHE MODE & definitely is NOT DURAN DURAN! Nick likes more pussy than a male cat with lipstick. Btw, I like that neither of those bands care if they are called GAY. Badge of honour anyone?

So for that summer I get off work a couple hours earlier than Mike. Me 2pm, Mike 4-5pm. I always go to the local farmers market and get fresh veggies and meat and prepare our dinner every single day while rocking out to my new GAY DEPECHE MODE! Happiness? That word isn't happy enough to describe how I felt. I truly used to feel like everyone could understand the feeling when you had something AMAZING & GAY to look forward to/watch/listen to, like Will & Grace for example: That show isn't just funny it means ALOT to ALOT of people. Everyone else just can't understand that. Unless you're gay. I've given up on the belief that people can truly feel you in this way. Empathize? ABSOLUTELY! That's why my friends are my friends but to truly understand how it feels to have a band that you really, really, really fucking dig & have them be for the most part queer is a feeling I can not and would not even try to put into words. I will always remember that first summer here in San Diego as the year I discovered that Brilliant American Band that America forgot. And the music? The Scissor Sisters aren't Music to me. They are My Musiqke.

Those were a few weeks in 2004.

_____________________________________________________________________________________

Do yourself a favour & cut & paste these 2 clips:

It Can't Come Quickly Enough
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Mq4KjGJPgjo


"It Can't Come Quickly Enough"

Sailling through the tunnels
In the morning by yourself
There's a very special feeling
True sensation all is well
If you stand and reach your arms out wide
Close your eyes and try to fly
It's an underground illusion
Tricking you from side to side

We knew all the answers
And we shouted them like anthems
Anxious and suspicious
That God knew how much we cheated

It can't come quickly enough
And now you've spent your life
Waiting for this moment
And when you finally saw it come
It passed you by and left you so defeated

Skyscrapers rise between us
Keeping me from finding you
If the concrete architecture
Dissapeared there'd be so few
Of us left to navigate and
Defend ourselves from the tide
It's an underground illusion
Tricking you from side to side

There's no indication of
What we were meant to be
Sucking up to strangers
Throwing wishes to the sea

It can't come quickly enough
And now you've spent your life
Waiting for this moment
And when you finally saw it come
It passed you by and
Left you so defeated


RETURN TO OZ
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bT60Nyk7XHk

"Return To Oz"

Once there was a man
who had a little too much time on his hands
he never stopped to think that he was getting older.
When his night came to an end
He tried to grasp for his last friend and pretend
That he could wish himself health on a four-leaf clover

He said is this the return to Oz?
The grass is dead, the gold is brown and the sky has claws
There's a wind-up man walking round and round
What once was Emerald City is now a crystal town

Its three o' clock in the morning
You get a phone call from the queen with a hundred heads
She says that they're all dead
She tried the last one on
It couldn't speak, fell off
And now she just wanders the halls
Thinking nothing, thinking nothing at all

She says is this the return to Oz?
The grass is dead, the gold is brown and the sky has claws
There's a wind-up man walking round and round
What once was Emerald City is now a crystal town

The wheelies are cutting pavement
and the Skeksis at the rave meant
to hide deep inside
their sunken faces
and their wild, rolling eyes
But their callous words reveal
That they can no longer feel
Love or sex appeal
The patchwork girl has come to cinch the deal

To return to Oz we've fled the world
With smiles and clenching jaws
Please help me friend from coming down
I've lost my place and now it can't be found
Is this the return to Oz?
The grass is dead, the gold is brown and the sky has claws
There's a wind-up man walking round and round
What once was Emerald City is now a crystal town