Tunnels & Vision

Prologue:
This is a blog about my life through my Musiqke: be it a moment, be it a cd, be it a season, be it side II of a tape I couldn't stop listening to that I rewound so much it snapped and had to tape it again, be it a concert, be it when you were screaming "I FUCKING HATE YOU!" in a parking lot, be it a scratched 12" version of 'The Promise' which I no longer have, be it sitting in a car wondering what to do or listening to your future wedding song. It is no matter. Because it all matters. It matters to me.
The song Stripped by Depeche Mode is my favourite song ever. I have the symbol of the song tattooed on my body. My only tattoo. It means that much to me. I don't know why this song means so much to me. I truly do not. For lack of better phraseology it sang to me. Ridiculous? Sure. Am I being honest? I wouldn't respond to my best friend if they asked me that because that person knows it true & would never ask.
Stripped inspired me to do this & this weblog will be completely honest but I don't want anyone to worry. If I've know you for 3 months or 30 years I am going to talk about you, however, I'm going to focus on the Musiqke that got me through 'that time', Bad, GOOD, torturous or AMAZING. This is my "Stripped down to the bone" story, not yours so please feel you are all safe. I will make you ALL that promise right now. Ultimately this is my life in it's entirety but completely out of sequence through My Musiqke.



Summer: 2004 San Diego CA

I am working as a bellman at The Catamaran Hotel in Mission Beach. I am seriously LOVING MY LIFE RIGHT NOW! Mike & I live in Hillcrest the coolest part of San Diego. Oh, and the Gayest place on the planet save the obvious places, West Hollywood, Rio De Janiero, The West Village, The Castro District, Rufus Wainwright's butt, you know. We've been in our new place for a few months. Michael & I. Michael. I love that fucking word. Actually I am in love with that word. A friend I met three years ago on 'The Tour of Pain' and am slowly losing touch with told me she saw this band, The Scissor Sisters live a few months before open for another band whose name I do not remember. She said they were BRILLIANT & are going to be on SNL. So that un-numbered Saturday I tuned in and laughed at what I saw. The music was fun/EXCELLENT & I loved their cover of Pink Floyd's 'Comfortably Numb' but I was upset. The lead singer Jake Shears was dressed, uh, let's say "kinda" flamboyant. I was like, don't dress like that and NOT-BE-GAY, your giving my people a bad name. After SNL was over Mike got off the computer and went to bed. I got online and looked up The Scissor Sisters. Hey, Larry, you fucking judgemental fucking prick. YOU WERE WRONG.

So it turns out the Scissor Sisters are 5 people: 4 guys & 1 gal. 3 of the guys are gay & the other guy & the gal are straight. I'm intrigued, I surf the web for hours scoping out every single bit of info I can on these guys. I am losing my mind that an ALMOST ALL GAY BAND was on SNL!?!?!?!? NOTE TO STRAIGHTIES: THIS DOSEN'T FUCKING HAPPEN!!!!!!! I was up til 6AM looking at really shaking/shoty 20-47 second 1 1/2 minute clips of them live all over England. Apparently they were really big there eventhough they're from here. NYC! The next day after work Mike & I went to Tower Records. I saw online that they already had a live docu-show dvd out. I searched everywhere, couldn't find it. After 40 minutes of mopeing around the store Mike walks up and smiles and holds the stores only copy in his hand. [MICHAEL!:D]

I put on the video when I get home and learn their motto is "None of us are Lesbians." I of course do the math in my head: 3 gay guys, obviously not Vagitarians or else they'd be straight. 1 straight girl likes guys & Paddy Boom (the drummer)is straight so the motto is correct! My dick gets so hard you cant even fucking imagine! This is my Gay version of Depeche Mode. Yes, I said it. Gay Depeche Mode! And no, Gay Depeche Mode is NOT DEPECHE MODE & definitely is NOT DURAN DURAN! Nick likes more pussy than a male cat with lipstick. Btw, I like that neither of those bands care if they are called GAY. Badge of honour anyone?

So for that summer I get off work a couple hours earlier than Mike. Me 2pm, Mike 4-5pm. I always go to the local farmers market and get fresh veggies and meat and prepare our dinner every single day while rocking out to my new GAY DEPECHE MODE! Happiness? That word isn't happy enough to describe how I felt. I truly used to feel like everyone could understand the feeling when you had something AMAZING & GAY to look forward to/watch/listen to, like Will & Grace for example: That show isn't just funny it means ALOT to ALOT of people. Everyone else just can't understand that. Unless you're gay. I've given up on the belief that people can truly feel you in this way. Empathize? ABSOLUTELY! That's why my friends are my friends but to truly understand how it feels to have a band that you really, really, really fucking dig & have them be for the most part queer is a feeling I can not and would not even try to put into words. I will always remember that first summer here in San Diego as the year I discovered that Brilliant American Band that America forgot. And the music? The Scissor Sisters aren't Music to me. They are My Musiqke.

Those were a few weeks in 2004.

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Do yourself a favour & cut & paste these 2 clips:

It Can't Come Quickly Enough
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Mq4KjGJPgjo


"It Can't Come Quickly Enough"

Sailling through the tunnels
In the morning by yourself
There's a very special feeling
True sensation all is well
If you stand and reach your arms out wide
Close your eyes and try to fly
It's an underground illusion
Tricking you from side to side

We knew all the answers
And we shouted them like anthems
Anxious and suspicious
That God knew how much we cheated

It can't come quickly enough
And now you've spent your life
Waiting for this moment
And when you finally saw it come
It passed you by and left you so defeated

Skyscrapers rise between us
Keeping me from finding you
If the concrete architecture
Dissapeared there'd be so few
Of us left to navigate and
Defend ourselves from the tide
It's an underground illusion
Tricking you from side to side

There's no indication of
What we were meant to be
Sucking up to strangers
Throwing wishes to the sea

It can't come quickly enough
And now you've spent your life
Waiting for this moment
And when you finally saw it come
It passed you by and
Left you so defeated


RETURN TO OZ
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bT60Nyk7XHk

"Return To Oz"

Once there was a man
who had a little too much time on his hands
he never stopped to think that he was getting older.
When his night came to an end
He tried to grasp for his last friend and pretend
That he could wish himself health on a four-leaf clover

He said is this the return to Oz?
The grass is dead, the gold is brown and the sky has claws
There's a wind-up man walking round and round
What once was Emerald City is now a crystal town

Its three o' clock in the morning
You get a phone call from the queen with a hundred heads
She says that they're all dead
She tried the last one on
It couldn't speak, fell off
And now she just wanders the halls
Thinking nothing, thinking nothing at all

She says is this the return to Oz?
The grass is dead, the gold is brown and the sky has claws
There's a wind-up man walking round and round
What once was Emerald City is now a crystal town

The wheelies are cutting pavement
and the Skeksis at the rave meant
to hide deep inside
their sunken faces
and their wild, rolling eyes
But their callous words reveal
That they can no longer feel
Love or sex appeal
The patchwork girl has come to cinch the deal

To return to Oz we've fled the world
With smiles and clenching jaws
Please help me friend from coming down
I've lost my place and now it can't be found
Is this the return to Oz?
The grass is dead, the gold is brown and the sky has claws
There's a wind-up man walking round and round
What once was Emerald City is now a crystal town